How gay marriage will make marriage better for straight couples

marriage

The anti-gay opposition loves to preach that same-sex marriage will be the downfall of the marriage institution. I think this is absolutely untrue and will go a step  farther by saying that it will be an incredibly POSITIVE influence on “traditional marriage”.

Today I read an amazing article that lays out this argument with research to back it up. It was written by Liza Mundy and is titled “The Gay Guide to Wedded Bliss: Research finds that same-sex unions are happier than heterosexual marriages. What can gay and lesbian couples teach straight ones about living in harmony?”  This one is too interesting not to read. It’s incredibly fascinating so it was hard not to copy/paste the whole thing here. You can read the full article here.

Basically, the main reason that same-sex marriages could serve as a model for others is how they are often MORE EQUITABLE. When there are two women in the relationship, they will actually have to talk about who takes out the trash, who fixes the kitchen sink and who mows the lawn. In a gay marriage between two men, they have to decide who is washing the dishes tonight, cooking dinner and driving the kids around to their extracurriculars. Conversations that most heterosexual couples take for granted or worse, assume antiquated gender roles.

WHAT’S GOING ON IN HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGES TODAY:

There is a general imbalance with at home/out of home work between men and women. “Among couples with children, when both spouses work full-time, women do 32 hours a week of housework, child care, shopping, and other family-related services, compared with the 21 hours men put in. Men do more paid work—45 hours, compared with 39 for women—but still have more free time: 31 hours, compared with 25 for women.” What is up with that?

-While many couples consider themselves much more advanced than those marriages of the 1950’s, most haven’t thrown out all the old habits of gender “jobs”, where the woman does all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing and the man does the out of home work. Many heterosexual marriages are “burdened with stereotypes that create stress and resentment”.

– People aren’t getting married as young anymore. In the 50’s it was seen as the most important achievement but now, people are starting to reach their own goals first before getting as seriously involved with someone else, “Marriage has become a “marker of prestige,” a capstone of a successful life, rather than its cornerstone”.

HOW GAY COUPLES MIGHT BE DOING IT BETTER:

Based on an array of research findings listed throughout the article:

-“They [same-sex couples] seem to be working certain things out in ways straight couples might do well to emulate, chief among them a back-to-the-drawing-board approach to divvying up marital duties

-Based on research, “Gay and lesbian couples are fairer in their dealings with one another than straight couples”

-“Gay men, like lesbians, are more likely than straight couples to share cooking and chores

-“Lesbians also tended to discuss things endlessly, achieving a degree of closeness unmatched by the other types of couples”

-In gay same-sex marriages, “one partner might do the same chore regularly, but because there was no default assignment based on gender, such patterns evolved organically, based on preferences and talents”

Same-sex parents tend to be more cooperative and mutually hands-on. This was shown by putting same-sex couples and hetero couples in the same situation of playing with their children on a blanket with an array of toys, “The same-sex couples were far more likely to be in there together, and the opposite-sex couples show the conventional pattern—the mom more involved, the dad playing with Tinkertoys by himself.”  This one just made me laugh out loud. You can imagine the dad sitting by himself, enthralled by the Tinkertoys.

-Lesbian moms tend to show more equality, warmth and pleasure in their parenting. Gay dads also split tasks more equally than straight couples

– In one study, all partner types (gay, straight, man, woman) said they were satisfied with their family’s parenting arrangement but, “the heterosexual wife was less content than the others, invariably saying that she wanted more help from her husband. Of all the parents we’ve studied, she’s the least satisfied with the division of labor”. Interesting.

_____

Obviously the results of the study do not apply to ALL heterosexual couples or ALL same-sex couples. I am just tired of hearing so many people say that gay marriage will negatively affect the institution of marriage. What evidence is this founded on? Just your personal belief that it’s not for you?

(TO BE CONTINUED)

marriage

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